


Into the blue

by haithuong313



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor canon divergence, Ren's Parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-08 14:26:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14696070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haithuong313/pseuds/haithuong313
Summary: After being sentenced to probation for a crime he did not commit, sixteen-year-old Ren Amamiya was sent to Tokyo, as a second-year student at Shujin Academy, the only school that accepts him despite his criminal record.Even though it seems like moving to a new school would put an end to the ridicule and gossip of people toward Ren, since the day he was convicted, but for some unknown reason, words about his tainted past has reached the entire school, and their relentlessly cruel whispers drown him in despair.





	1. Outcasts

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I wrote this fanfic for Ren Amamiya, based on how he was portrayed in the new Persona 5 anime. Although the story follows the game closely, I feel like Ren’s personality is markedly different from how he was portrayed in the game, becoming more like a quiet boy who withdraws into his shell because of the overwhelming trauma that he had to experience. I want to explore that aspect of his personality more closely and see how it would impact the story, so now this thing exists. Enjoy and please leave a comment if you like it. Or ten. I’d love to read them all.

“Now listen and answer me truthfully. In order to accomplish those impossible crimes, you must have received back up from someone else. Tell me, who are your accomplices?”

“...”

Ren grips tightly into the messy wet hair sticking to his forehead, tries to recall what was left of his memories in his muddy consciousness. The image of the prosecutor before his eyes is as vague as the light of the ceiling lamp on his head. Though, it is the stickily wet sensation that is bother him rather than pain. After all, pain seems to become an inseparable aspect of his life. Accomplice? Ha, does he even have a friend?

 

***

 

“No need to say anymore. I heard everything. It’s what you get for sticking your nose into adults' business. Who do you think you are, thinking that you can just waltz into town in the name of your justice?”

“Late on the first day, really? Why do I have to take in someone like you, do I not have enough trouble already?”

“He looks harmless, but he will beat you into pulp if you look at him the wrong way.”

“Don’t look at him. What if he goes psychotic and attacks us?”

“I heard he was on probation.”

“Criminal trash.”

“…”

 

_ An invisible grip chokes out the air, replaces it with asphyxiating numbness welling up the lung. On the other side of the door, the bird cries out as its wings are torn into shreds, its desperate sound drills itself through the skull into the brain, leaving a gaping hole where it still bleeds. _

 

Ren slowly opens his eyes to find himself in his own seat at the corner of the class. A pair of students are sharing their homemade bento. Their laughters are immediately stifled, soon replaced by suspicious whispers as he turns his gaze back down to his desk. On these wrists, there is no shackle. On this body, there is no prisoner’s suit. On these legs, there is no chain. And yet, Ren feels like a prisoner, locked behind in this unfamiliar world he found himself in. Pushing his glasses up to cover fair-colored pupils, he walks like a living corpse, giving himself in to reality devoid of color and sound.

Remembering that he has not eaten since morning, Ren goes down to the cafeteria. But when he gets there, all but one serving of yakisoba bread were gone; there is no surprise, the bread is popular and often sold out right at the start of break period. Not like he needs anything else. He grabs the bread and sits down in a secluded corner of the hallway.

“Hey, ya Ren Amamiya, right? Can we talk a little bit?”

Someone calls behind his back, but Ren pretends not to hear. It is that loud blonde guy, whom he met at the station on his first day of school. From what he has heard, Ryuji Sakamoto is the name, and he seems to also be an outcast just like him. Apparently, he was a former track star, but got into a crippling injury after a fight with the volleyball teacher. Though, Ren does not want to associate with the guy. Two dangerous delinquents hang out together, don’t they look like a gang? As if people are not afraid of him enough already.

“Who are you?” – Ren pretends like he does not remember.

“Man, for real? It’s me on the station! How could you forget so quickly!?”

“What do you want from me?”

Ren still does not turn back to look at his eyes, though he is visibly annoyed. All he wants is some alone time without people talking behind his back, not having a delinquent trying to make friend with him.

“It's 'bout yesterday… You know, the weird castle that we went to... and what the talking monster cat said…”

Ren frowned. What else does he want to do with that cursed place? Just yesterday they were running for dear life out of that torture dungeon, and only escaped there alive by some convoluted miracle that he still could not wrap his head around to comprehend. According to the talking cat, whom the blonde mentioned, the place was a pocket dimension called Palace, born from the desire of Kamoshida, the well-known former Olympic star that teaches volleyball at their school. Well, not like he wants to go back there for another life anyway, and he hopes the blonde is not so dumb as asking him to come back there. After all, he was almost kil-

“…I want to go back ‘ere. There is something I need to confirm.”

Ren dropped his bread.

“Kamoshida... maybe ya already know him by now. He seems nice and stuffs on the surface but…” – The blonde raises his voice suddenly in anger, his voice jolts Ren back into reality. – “In truth he is a bastard and a pervert!!! Rumors said the injuries of the volleyball team members is not due to the training, but it was him beatin’ them up…!” 

He turns away, fists curled into balls.

“B-But… I… have no proof. Those guys in the volleyball team… they refused to talk to me. So... If we can find evidence of his abuse in the metaverse… Then… Then…! Please, Amamiya-kun! I need to bring Kamoshida’s shitty deals to light!”

The blonde even bows before him, his voice cracks in desperation, like a plea for help. A feeling churns up in Ren’s guts, as his fingers clench into a fist.

 

_ “Please… Help…!!” _

_ “Damn brat… I’ll sue!” _

_ “You better not say a word when the police come.” _

_ “This young man… suddenly attacks this man on the street and causes injury on him.” _

_ “Guilty.” _

 

“Then go ahead. By yourself.” - Ren responds, before picking himself up to turn away from the blonde. - “I do not want to get into that kind of trouble… again.”

“But… But… I know we’re almost killed but… Don’t you see? They’re being beaten up every day!! And Ann… Isn’t Takamaki the same class as you? If we don’t do something, he… he’ll…” - The boy furrows his eyebrow in distress, fumbles through his words trying to appeal against Ren’s cold rejection. – “Please!!! Don’t you have any sympathy??? Back then, when those guards were about to kill me, didn't you stay and save me?”

Ren silently swallows down his throat. At that time, he could not bring himself to watch Ryuji being killed in front of his eyes. Then by some tough luck, a strange power surged through him, knocked the guards down to open an escape. Even if he got to choose again, he could not bring himself to leave the blonde behind and save his own skin. But at that fateful night, he was not thinking things through. All he wanted was to get the woman out of danger. Now look at what kind of situation that leads him to. Ren forces out a bitter smirk.

“Who do you think you are, charging headfirst into trouble without thinking of consequences. If you want to play hero, go ahead. I have enough trouble to take care of myself. Also, helping others, really? Or you just want to them to fawn over you for that? Stop that nonsense. A delinquent is forever a delinquent.”

**Thud!**

Ren staggers backward, stunned for a second. Thankfully, his glasses are still intact, even though Ryuji’s punch almost makes it fly off his face.

“Bastard!” – The angry blonde hissed through his teeth.

Ren does not reply, just fixes his glasses and walks right out of the scene, not paying any mind to Ryuji’s shouting at the students who stare and whisper as he leaves.

 

***

 

During that entire time, Kamoshida reigns over the school. Like what he heard from the blonde, the volleyball team members are always covered in bruises and bandages, their expression gloomy and troubled even more than Shujin students normally are. Being selected for the volleyball team is an honor so no one dares to speak up against Kamoshida. The only one who openly goes against him, Ryuji Sakamoto, is an outcast no one wants to come near. Ren himself is one of his targets, simply because he can. Though, the bruises on his face seem to make him look more like a dangerous delinquent than an abuse victim. At the least, people are now too afraid to openly talk in front of him, so those unpleasant whispers become much less frequent.

 

Before coming to Shujin, Ren was also a bully target. Partly because his family was wealthy, and he was noticeably smaller than his friends, partly because he did not want to get into trouble with his parents for fighting at school. Ren was the second child of the house, thus he had to always be obedient to his parents and his elder brother, never to speak up against them. His brother was the school’s track star, always got excellent grades and even won regional championship. And thus, Ren was set to follow his example, from the clothes he wore to what elective classes he had to take. He was meant to live as his brother’s shadow. His preference, his desire, his dream, his identity, his pain, none of that mattered. Even when his parents knew about the bullying, they just thought that he had done something wrong, something that made him stand out, and that he should stop standing out and be a good boy. Just like his brother.

Now with his conviction for assault, he becomes the family’s eyesore. He was a nuisance, a disappointment, an insult, a black taint to their flawless reputation. They shipped him away from home as fast as they could, left him alone in this big, unfamiliar city, never once called him to ask about him. Though, he was a worthless nobody from the start, and now with his criminal record, it would probably be easier on them if they could just pretend that he never existed. Not like they were ever there for him to begin with. He was always by himself, in the middle of nights, in those cold and lonely dinners, in the alley taking beatings from his bullies. In court, watching in despair as his defense crumbles against relentless accusations. _No one was there._

Seventeen years old, Ren understands nothing comes without a price. So, it will be best if he asks for no one and gives to no one.

 

Even though none of the students dares to touch him, for teacher it is a different case. He notices Kamoshida’s uncomfortable gaze at him when no one was paying attention, and the occasional hardly innocuous grabs and strokes on his butts and hips. Ren is confused, not knowing why he would do that to him; he is just a boy and he hardly has anything to be called attractive. His best guess is that because he has neither friends nor family, anyone that can be called for help. One time he tried to call Ren to his office after school, in which he ignored and went straight back to Leblanc. He would consider skipping classes if necessary, just to not having to deal with Kamoshida. There is no way he could fend off a man twice as big as him if something happens, so he avoids encounter him as much as possible. He practices self-defense just in case though, and trains himself to prepare for the worst.

 

“Hey… Sorry about the other day.”

It was quite surprising Ryuji comes to him first to apologize for what happened. Though, he definitely has another motive in mind, judging from his manner.

“Just say it, what do you want. Make it quick, because I don’t want to be seen near you.”

“Hey, what was that for?” – The blonde raises his fist in anger, and Ren braces himself for another punch.

“No need to fight, let me explain. You’re so useless, Ryuji!”

From behind the blonde, a cat jumps on his shoulder. And it was talking just now. Ren’s eyes widen in shock.

“We have met before, don’t you remember, Frizzly Hair?”

“It was Ren, Ren Amamiya.” – He calmed down, recognizing the cat. – “What is it, Morgana?”

“Ryuji told me about Kamoshida. Seems like he is a terrible person, but it is possible for us to change him.”

“Change it?”

“Yeah, do you remember where you and Ryuji were held captive? That is where the key lies.”

Morgana then explains about Metaverse – the world of cognition, how it works, and the key that can be used to alter a person’s psyche. Ren listens carefully, but not without suspicion.

“…And so we can change his heart, make him confess his crime out of guilt, and leave no trace in the real world!” – Morgana licks one of his leg as he finishes.

“Sounds really convenient. I hope you didn’t hide anything dangerous from us.”

“You are right, we can’t exclude the possibility that Kamoshida can die from losing his desires. But the chance is really low and never happened before. Usually they will only lose the distorted desire that causes Palace to manifest.”

“However, this sounds like we are brainwashing him, and there is a chance that he could die from it. I think there is no miracle that comes without a price. You can stop your daydreaming.” – He folds his arms before turning to the blonde, does not forget to leave a sarcastic remark.

“But…!”

Ryuji wants to answer, but he cannot find anything to say for that. Ren walks out of the scene with a huff.

“He seems hard to get along, huh.” – Morgana turns around to lick the fur on his back.

“Yeah, he probably not a good person anyway.” – Ryuji sighs.– “I heard he moved here because of criminal record.”

“I can see that. It is probably best not to relying on him then.”

 

***

 

“Sorry…! I-I wasn’t looking…”

Shiho apologizes in a panic. Ren is infamous for his criminal record, she has heard from Ann and others. As if being in the volleyball team is not miserable enough, now she must bump into the school’s infamous delinquent on the way to class. Kneeling down to pick up the scattered papers she has dropped, Shiho quietly hopes that he will let it slide or just forget her face entirely.

However, Ren is already there, quietly picks them up and puts them back neatly in her hand. Well, just because they treat him like a delinquent does not mean he should act like one, except when he needs to get out of unnecessary trouble of course. When he looks up to see the girl’s bruised and scared face, he recognizes her in the volleyball team. He has noticed Kamoshida often called her to his room after class whenever he was angry, but he paid no mind to it, until he became Kamoshida’s target himself. Before Shiho opens her mouth, Ren gently taps on her shoulder as he whispers, just enough for the two of them to hear.

“Don’t come to his room when he calls. It’s dangerous.”

Shiho’s face become ghostly pale when she realized he knows about her and Kamoshida. Perhaps Ren is not the only one, but he is the first one bringing it up to her.

“B-But I can’t refuse… He will kick me out of the team-”

 

“Hey, get away from her!!”

A girl with gorgeous pale blond hair tied in twintails suddenly walks up and forcefully push his hand away from Shiho. She glares at him with piercing blue eyes, before putting herself between him and Shiho.

“Oh my, did Ann just talk back to the delinquent? So daring!”

“Well, she is Kamoshida’s bitch after all, what can’t she do?”

Despite all the whispers rumbling all over the crowd, Ann stands proudly and fearlessly in front of him like a warrior on the edge of dawn. Taken aback from the astonishing beauty and strength of the girl before his eyes, Ren almost lets out a bewildered gasp. However, he probably should not attract even more attention, especially if Ann is really Kamoshida’s girl, so he quickly turns his back and leaves without a word.

“Please, Ann… He didn’t have any bad intention. No need to worry.”

“Don’t say that, it’s not like I’m scared of him. I saw he said something that make you panic. Is it a threat?”

“N-No!” – Shiho shakes her head. – “I was just scared because I thought he was an outcast. But he… Ren is not as bad as they said. You know rumors are never true.”

“Ha ha… Yeah…” 

Ann gives Shiho a sad smile, the rumors about her and Kamoshida are also bullshit. There is no way she would want to date that pervert. But he is the one who keeps coming after her…

 

***

 

“No, I already said I’m not feeling well today…!”

“What?! Removing Shiho from the team? But… But she doesn’t do anything wrong…!”

Ren knows it is rude eavesdropping on other people’s phone call like that, but he has a hunch that Ann is in trouble. Even with her look, Ann does not seem to be the kind of girl that lives off a man; and he is not unfamiliar to the way Kamoshida cornering his prey by isolating them with baseless rumors.

Ann leans against the walls of the empty station, sobbing to herself. Ren does not dare to come near; she would probably think he has bad intention, but he cannot bring himself to leave her like this. He does not care what anyone else may say. He just does not want to see Ann being dragged to the mud like him. She deserves better than that.

Ren thinks about his time as a child and the beatings he took from his bully. If only there was someone stood there for him, perhaps he would not be this pitiful wretch that he has become.

Ren comes closer, enough to put his handkerchief on her shoulder, then leaves as quickly as he can. He looks back at his phone, where the ghastly eyes of the Metaverse Navigator staring back at him, the vivid tint of red reflects on grey eyes shimmering in darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For what to come in the next chapter, Ren awakening is incomplete, in a similar manner to Haru, because he does not have a completely clear idea of rebellion yet. As such, he cannot utilize Arsene's full potential or using any of his wild card power yet. His outfit will also be somewhat different, but will change back to canon as he has a second, complete awakening during the story.
> 
> Also this is Ren's outfit for the moment


	2. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though Ren has decided to stop inviting trouble to his already disarrayed life, Ann's tears of despair in the twilight at the empty station make him reconsider about using the MetaNav.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...or fall in love with Ryuji. Anyway, enjoy the ride.

Ren walks into the alley behind the school, darkness accompanies his every movement. From the day he was convicted for assault, he has grown accustomed to its presence—from staying in his dimly lit room back home till dusk, only going down for dinner when everyone was asleep, so that no one needed to see his hateful face. For him, darkness is not something to be feared, he has to admit he enjoys its peaceful embrace in the cluttered dusty attic above Café Leblanc as he slowly gives himself in to slumber.

What does bother him though, is what comes afterward. It was not dreams about that cursed night or the utter betrayal from the very woman he had saved, or the sound of the wooden hammer falls being played over and over ad nauseum. It was the woeful cries of birds, the miserable scream of pure pain and despair, drowned in thunder and storm of cruel, sadistic laughter, like poisonous spiders crawling into his ears, into his throat, into his nose. It was the gleaming light on the half-opened lock of the door, like a sharp needle impaled into his eyeballs. It was the numbing pain of his fingers crawling on the wooden floor in front of it, their tips stained blood red from broken nails. It was the very face of guilt and cowardice staring back at his forced-open eyes, unmoved by his agonizing pleas of _stop, please stop…_

Grey eyes shoot open from pure, sharp pain, only to finds nothing but unsounding darkness in the depth of Palace. His school uniform has transformed into those of a burglar—hooded coat that easily blends into dark surroundings, black and white domino mask covering his eyes and nose, a black scarf covering the rest. A dagger on his waist, for self-defense when situation arises.

The classic image of a criminal concealing himself from the light, hiding like rat in slums and ditches, stealing and scavenging for a living.

Ren learned from Morgana that in this world, things are affect more by cognition more than physical laws. Thus, he can leap and run much faster than normal; even the small dagger he carried can be a deadly weapon. Furthermore, he can blend right into darkness and hide right in front of the enemy’s nose. The first time he learned about it was when he accidentally walked into a corridor packed with guards. Thought he was done for, Ren curled up into a large cupboard nearby, but much to his disbelief, the guards just walked right past by, completely oblivious to his presence.

Using this, he spends most of his time in the Palace hiding and sneaking from the enemies, but there are some instances that he must fight them head-on. A lot of time they come for his back, without him realizing, until he gets a painful hit to the head, knocked down on the ground, trying his hardest to crawl back up or roll out of the way before their swords cleave him in half.

“Persona!”

Whenever he calls, a strange, unseen, but powerful force from the inside of his body responds, launching magical attacks toward the monster, annihilating them in a burst of ghastly black and red; but sometimes nothing happens, and he eats a full blast from the enemies. His bone would have been shattered in pieces in the real world, but the clothes on his body seems to function as protective armors as well, so at most he just gets a new, fresh bruise on his ribs.

Ren hides himself in a dark corner, hands trembling furiously as he is putting some bandages bought from the nearby drugstore on the swollen red bruise. Fortunately, as he has expected, the pain is immediately subdued. He tries to drink some fresh water got from the vending machine outside, head leans back against the wall behind, waiting for his breathing to become steady again. Having to find a new route to proceed while fighting and watching for enemies from every direction causes his stamina to quickly deplete, not counting the occasional trips and falls while attempting to jump through high barriers, that leaves even more scratches and bruises on his body. A person’s mind is not a simple place to go through; even one moment of carelessness can lead to a deathly trap.

_“This room is full of guards; the next room is no better. Nowhere else to go, what to do now? Think, Ren, think. Focus…”_

Cold sweats drip down from his forehead, along with numbness spreading all over his muscles as well as his exhausted brain, now running on the last of its oxygen. Everything seems to be more complicated than he thought; he has gone this deep into the castle, but its treasure is nowhere in sight. The Palace is shaped like a bottomless maze, if he has not taken notes, he cannot even remember where the exit is. Hands reach into his pocket, Ren realizes he has no bandages left; he should have gone back outside three room ago instead of forcing himself this deep inside. Nevertheless, whenever he remembers the sight of Ann covering her face in tears at the station, he just wants to get his hand on the treasure as fast as he can, before Kamoshida gets what he wanted.

Though, it gets even worse when he comes back to reality. Inside the Palace, the pain from his wounds is kept in check by adrenaline, but now it comes back to him in full force. He needs to check up at the clinic, or else he will not be able to even move tomorrow. Luckily, the doctor, a frequent at Café Leblanc, is someone he can trust. Her clinic is quite secluded, rarely has any patients, because rumors says she has quite a peculiar antic, even agrees to treat the local yakuzas that everyone is scared of. Perhaps this is exactly what he needs, a doctor who knows to keep her mouth shut.

 

***

 

“I thought you should tell your guardian instead of going here by yourself.”

Takemi stared the bruises and scratches and scars that covered every inch of the teenager’s body with varying shades of red, purple and even black, furrowing her eyebrows in disapproval. The boy, who shifts his gaze to the poster at the side, gives her a quick and annoyingly short reply:

“I can’t.”

“Because he is the one who does this to you?”

Takemi squints. Even though she never wants to poke her nose in others’ business, and the local gang member comes to her for treatment because of that exact reason, Ren is still a teenager, so she cannot let it slide. Despite Sojiro seems not too harsh on him on the surface, she cannot exclude the possibility that he is the culprit. She knows some probation officers would use physical violence for discipline, or even abusing the kids they are responsible for.

“No.”

“Then is it your classmate?” Takemi examines his bruises again. Perhaps he is not lying. Is he?

“I did it myself.”

Ren becomes silent, not wanting to answer any more question. Takemi gives him a concerned sigh; she tries to help, but if her patient is that stubborn, then at the end it is not her responsibility. She gives him an X-ray, applies medicine and bandages Ren up, and gives him some medicines to take at home.

“Don’t worry, there’s no bone fracture. But you have to avoid heavy activities for your tendons to heal. Total is 5000 yen for check-up and medicines.”

Ren reaches to all of his pocket, but he only has 2500 yen. The boy becomes flustered, this is all he has left until next week, he has no saving, and he cannot ask Sojiro. Perhaps he can stop by the gun shop and sell some stuffs he looted from the Palace…

“Sorry, I can go back home to get some more.”

“Nah, just forget about it.” Takemi sighs. “I know you don’t have any left. I will take 500 yen for check-up, just take the rest and buy something to eat. Prolonged anemia can cause your eyesight and brain function to deteriorate, so don’t take it lightly.”

Ren reluctantly takes his money back from the doctor, but honestly, there is really nothing left on his body.

“Well, just saying, but you can come here anytime you want, don’t worry about money. But promise me you tell someone about this, at least to Sojiro.”

 _“It’s all right, doctor. Everything will end soon.”_ Ren whispers to himself, then respectfully bows before the doctor before he leaves. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

 

***

 

He continues to go the Palace the following day, and the day after. Getting used to maneuvering by himself has given him valuable lessons to prepare for what coming next. Most important is keeping his mind clear, and always lurking in darkness.

 

After Palace’s infiltration, Ren goes back to school. He needs to borrow a laptop from the library for homework; there is none at the attic, and his parents never bought one for him, so he just used his brother’s instead. Even though at the moment, Ren is too tired to think of studying, but he does not want to be accused as a lazy student, as if they have not had enough names to call him in class already. While passing through the now-abandoned, grass-infested track field, he occasionally catches sight of Ryuji, wearing his casual tracksuit, sleeves and pants rolled up high. At this hour, a school boy the same age as Ryuji would be now at home, hastily skimming through their dinner before night classes start; or at the local diner, nervously waiting for their first date. Perhaps at the arcade, hanging out with friends. Or just at home, playing on whatever video game console they get.

But Ren and Ryuji do not share those luxuries. They are outcasts, unwanted in this world, looked down with disdain from friends, teachers, and family alike. It is no coincidence they have crossed way with each other, after all, there is no place left for them except Shujin. Shujin, where gossips and lies follow their every step, like a vile yet persistent stench that poisons the very air they breathe, slowly eating away what is left inside. Shujin, where Kamoshida reigns like a tyrant, holding his chalice up high and pouring the sickening wine made of tears and blood from innocent students down his throat, before spitting out their hollow corpses, let despair tear them apart until there is nothing left of what called humanity.

Ryuji leans forward, gets himself into the initial position of a sprint. Although his brother is a track star back home, or maybe _because of that_ , Ren can never bring himself to get into track, no matter how much their parents wanted him to. But from what he has learned, he can certainly tell Ryuji apart from a normal rookie. Unlike his everyday bashfulness and explosive demeanor, Ryuji is on an entirely different league on the track. His eyes are those of the wild wolves, gaze piercing through the unknown depth of the forest, through the precipitous cliffs, and through the brilliant light shimmering at the end of the horizon at dawn. It is calm, yet unyielding. It is wild, yet as pure as the morning dew. Then like a wolf watching for its prey, hiding between layers after layers of tall grasses, Ryuji lets his body stand completely still, and launches himself forward with unimaginable strength and speed, against the cold wind. Like an arrow leaving its bow, claiming life before the victim even aware it happens. From the distance, Ren watches it unfolds, like a child having his first glimpse at the glory and danger of wilderness, breathe taken by the enchanted beauty.

But the spell disintegrated in a painful flash, leaving behind a dead silence. Ryuji lies motionlessly in the dirt, face down, hands gripping one of his thighs. It is impossible to see his face from this distance, but Ren can hear the silent sobs through the trembling of his shoulders. Even for just a moment, Ren would pay any price, to see Ryuji run once again. He wants to see more, to step out of the darkness, to bathe, to be blinded by that radiant light, filled with immense strength and youth and dreams. Dreams of running on the open track, toward bright, brilliant future wide open before the eyes. But it has ended. It has ended before it even begins, shredding to pieces by the hands of that bastard Kamoshida.

  
**“AaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”**

Ryuji screams and screams, until his voice grows hoarse, and his rage tastes like hot iron. He wails until he has no more tear to shed. Ren can hear the wooden hammer fell at the moment his fate was sealed. “Guilty”. Ren can hear his parents’ voice from behind the cold wall at home. “Just send him to Tokyo as the court ordered, no point in keeping this pain in the ass at home.” Ren can hear the woeful cries stifled by heartless laughter behind the half-locked door, cursed cries that haunted his every dream. They are both on their dying breath, lying in pool of red blood of what was once their wings, looking up to the hollow blue sky, where they should be free to fly, where their youthful days should have been protected and cherished under.

 

And Ren finds himself again, lurking in the darkness of Kamoshida’s Palace. From behind his mask, grey eyes shimmers in the faceless pit of his hood. Even though there is only desolation and ruin ahead, pain and darkness will keep him walking. If there is nothing left for him, he will do just this. He will cut those chains, so that they can, at least, be free from this cursed fate, free from wherever his tomb has lied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or ten. I'd love to read it!


	3. Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...In which Ren cannot start a proper conversation without being punched in the guts, or worse.

The scene of Shiho’s body falling from the school’s rooftop slowly plays before their eyes like an eerie footage.

 

_Thud._

 

Following Ann rushing down the spiral staircase, Ren still cannot process and accept what he just sees as reality. Perhaps for Ann it is no better. Students rush out and quickly clog up every corridor outside of their classrooms, and dull sounds of an ambulance can be heard from a distance. Ryuji loudly pushes his way through the front crowd, all of whom already take their phones out to record and take pictures, to be the first one reaching Shiho.

“This school’s gone mad.” He grumbles.

Noises and screams quickly fills up the school, like the buzzing of insects swarming over its rotten corpse, that has just emerged from the surface after god knows how long. In the midst of them, Ann is weakly pleading between her sobs. “Save her… Please… Save Shiho…”

Ren stands beside her, dumbfounded in silence.

“Mishima!!!”

Ryuji’s sudden cry startled him. In another direction, the blonde boy is rushing for a small dark-haired, frightened figure. Ren runs after them in a trance. Then at the usual secluded corner, they corner Mishima, who is quickly outpaced by Ryuji. Confronted by not one, but two infamous outcasts of the school, the dark-haired boy quickly confessed, shoulders curled up in a terrified yelp.

“I d-didn’t do anything, I-I just follow Kamoshida’s order!!”

“Kamoshida?! What did he do??” Ryuji grabbed him by the collar, eyes red in anger.

“H-He… Yesterday he was pissed about something… Then he told me t-to c-c-call Shiho to his office after class…”

“Then you leave her there alone with that pervert???” Ryuji becomes livid.

“W-What else can I do…!!! He’ll just find someone else!”

Ryuji throws Mishima to the ground, beating him up will not solve anything. Take his chance, the smaller dark-haired boy quickly turns his tail and runs away. Ryuji then turns away, angrily heads to Kamoshida’s office.

“Where’re you going, Sakamoto?” Ren grabs one of his hands from behind. Anger will cloud people’s judgement, especially those who act before thinking like this boy.

“To where, you ask? Of fucking course I’m comin’ after that shitty excuse of a teacher!” Ryuji gives him a frightening glare.

“How? You don’t have any concrete evidence. He’s always been getting away from it, from physical violence to sexual harassment. What do you wish to accomplish charging headfirst there by yourself? Don’t you remember who caused your leg to be like this? Please…” Ren tries to put back some reason into Ryuji, to no avail.

“What do you know about that “accident”, Ren Amamiya? What do YOU even know about pain and being humiliated?!”

Ryuji grabs him in his fury. They drag each other down to the muddy grasses, exchanging punches and scratches, clothes drenched in sweats and dirt. But nothing can hold Ryuji from the burning rage in his chest, that Ren has carelessly unleashed upon himself. Even though he is not too bad at sport and has trained himself lately, he is still no match to Ryuji’s brawl. Soon he is drained in the crippling pain packed in Ryuji’s fist, as the blonde boy overpowers him and pins him under his body as he snaps.

“Criminals and bullies like you will never understand other’s pain. What do you know about being powerless?”

Ryuji reaches for the red button on his jacket, grabs onto them so hard Ren feels like they would bursting out. Ren struggles for a way out, but Ryuji’s body weights him down tightly to the ground.

“Do you ever think of how she felt? How much pain and humiliation she suffers under Kamoshida’s grip? Probably not, huh? Do you need me to make that sink to your bone, so you can never forget?” Ryuji growls intimidatingly.

Even though Ren never sees it coming to this, being frightened is not the answer. He has trained himself for this situation many times before. _Stop struggling to lower his guard, then knock him down by the forehead with your own._ Fortunately, it connects, and Ryuji releases his grips in pain. Ren rolls out of the way, then kicks him again at his side, just at the same time as the school bell rings for students to go back to class. Hoping that the pain is strong enough for Ryuji to cool his head down and forget about going after Kamoshida, Ren fixes his uniform, before heading back for class.

 

***

 

Ann returns to class just as the last period starts, hoodie still covered in blood from when she was holding tight to Shiho like a lifeline. Everyone wants to ask about it, but the dead, empty expression on her face keeps them from saying a word.

Long after school has ended, Ann still does not leave her desk. She takes out the phone, messaging someone, then leaves without bringing her bag. Ren has a bad feeling about this; Ann returning into class like this is not normal at all. Butterflies rises up in his stomach. He knows he should not get into any more trouble, but he cannot leave Ann like this—not with the fresh image of her holding Shiho pale, lifeless body, screamed and called for help—haunting his mind.

And so he quietly follows Ann’s footsteps, until she stops in the empty volleyball hall, waiting for someone with a deadly blank expression.

“Ann, why are you still here?” Ren softy asks as he comes closer.

No response.

“Is it Kamoshida?”

Ann glares at Ren, her eyes look like she can cut him in half.

“None of your business.”

His expression goes cold as he realizes Ann’s glare is not the only thing that can cut him in half.

“Ann, please give me the knife.”

“Go away.”

“Please, Ann. I understand that you are heartbroken about Shiho, but…

“Shut up.”

“… you can’t risk your life confronting Kamoshida like this. He… He’ll…”

“I don’t care!” Ann gives him another glares filled with vengeful rage.

Ren rushes forward to take her hand, reasoning with her is impossible in this situation. He tries to grab her hand, but much to his surprise she is strong. The knife swings around in Ann’s hand, its blade gleaming like a death trap.

“He took everything from me, don’t you see. I don’t care what happens anymore!!”

Ann screams before thrusting her hand with full force. There is now nothing but rage, nothing but revenge from Kamoshida. She doesn’t care about her life or Kamoshida’s, or if she would have to spend the rest of her life in prison afterward. If Shiho no longer talks, no longer smiles, no longer waits for her in their usual spot in the school yard… then what is left for her? Why does it matter anymore?

But the knife has stopped moving before she even knows it.

It takes a few seconds for her to realize what she has done. Ren falls on his knees, hands grip tightly on one side of his hip, face turns pale. And on her hand is fresh blood, stained everything in its red.

“Shhh… Quiet.” Ren whispers.

Before she even realizes, tears have welled up under her eyes. What have she done…?

“Listen, it’s okay. Please. Ann, calm down, it’ll be fine. I’ll keep the knife here and hide it from sight with my coat. Then you call a cab… I know a doctor who will keep quiet about this.”

Ann can only nod. Her hands shaken as she presses for a number. Thankfully, the car quickly arrived, as she helps Ren up on his feet. They quietly sneak out of school by the backdoor without anyone notice, then go on the car and head straight to Takemi’s clinic.

 

***

 

Just as Ren said, the doctor does not ask anything, but Ann’s mind and body are still numb, as she still cannot process what she has done to Ren. It is only until the doctor calls her name that she fully realizes this is reality.

“He is all right for now, the wound hasn’t reached any vital organ as far as I have checked. He loses quite a lot of blood on the way though, so it probably will take a few weeks off to completely recover, as well as refrain from strong movements. I’ll call his probation officer to take him home.”

“Probation officer?” Ann asked. Ren does not live with parents?

“You have to ask him yourself, girl, I don’t know much about that. Tell him to lead a less dangerous life too. What kind of madman he is, so reckless at such a young age?”

Ann looks at Ren on the bed, old and new bruises alike cover his slender frame. She has never noticed he has that much bruises till now, as they were always covered in the neat and tight uniform that he wears to code. But what has he done to get so much bruises like that? Furthermore, he is acquainted with the doctor here, so he must be a frequent. She even knows his probation officer…

“Sorry Takemi, bothering you again. I’ve told him many times not to put his nose in others’ business. Ren Amamiya!”

A middle-aged man steps into the clinic, calls Ren’s name loudly and wakes him from his short, painkiller-induced nap. Ren sits up with one hand, and Ann supports him from behind with a worried look.

“Please don’t be harsh to him, mister. It’s not his fault.”

“I know you means well, but don’t cover for him. If he doesn’t know how to care for himself, no one will save him.”

“No one will save him?”

The man does not answer. He puts one of Ren’s arms over his shoulder, then they head out of the clinic.

“Hey, slow down. Be careful not to open his wound, Sojiro.”

Ann rushes for them, helping Sojiro carry Ren home. Call it “home”, but it is actually just a messy and dusty attic on top of the café, and the bathroom is nowhere to be found. Ann remembers that Kamoshida once mentioned that he was sent to Tokyo after receiving his probation sentence, but she does not expect he has to live in such poor condition. And Sojiro does not look like he lives with anyone else, not with someone that looks like his parents or relatives.

_“If he doesn’t know how to care for himself, no one will save him.”_

So what Sojiro means is that one wrong move and he will be sent to juvie? As if life here is not difficult enough for him, he has to face gossips and disdain from classmates, looking at him like a beast that needs to be chained down.

“I’m fine now. You should go home Ann; your parents will be worried.” Ren curls up in a blanket.

“But then how do you eat or drink? You can’t even move yourself.”

“I’ll figure.” Ren said like it is nothing, like there is no knife stabbed in his guts just moments ago, like there is no blood stained his white sweater red. But sweats are dripping off on the thick raven hairs that covered his forehead as he is speaking.

“You know you shouldn’t help me, right?” Ann’s tears once again welled up under her eyes. “Have you had enough of trouble already?”

Ren is silent. Ann is right, perhaps he should not get himself into other business. He should just pretend not to look, not to hear, obediently stay in his place, like a corpse that knows where it should go to.

“Maybe because it’s me who’ve truly lost everything.” Ren whispers for Ann to hear. “Nothing worth keeping anymore.”


	4. Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deep inside the prison in his heart, a voice calls for Ren. Meanwhile Ryuji finds himself unable to stop thinking about the incident that happens four days ago...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first of all, thank you if you've made it to chapter four of this fic! I know it's kinda exploded last chapter because of Ryuji's action and all, but as many times as I said, he does not act like that for the sake of being a jerk. Please keep in mind that this is a piece of fanwork, that has a different set-up than the game and while I try to keep the character as close to their canonical counterpart as possible, they still have a slightly different mindset and take different course of action comparing to the game. I'll slowly explore Ryuji's psyche and mindset as we go, and hopefully it'll help you understand somewhat the way that he thinks and acts.

_“Bonjour, mon ami.”_

Ren opens his eyes to find himself in a narrow and dark jail cell with neither entrance nor exit. A cold drop of water hits his face a shard of glass. From where it has dropped, Ren sees light coming down from a small, square hole, barricaded by rusty iron bars, on the ceiling miles away from where he lies. However, a strange yet familiar voice from the other side of the wall, mischievous yet soothing, calms him down from the initial panic.

_“I am pleased to have you as my company, young friend. It was a truly heroic act that you have done.”_

Even though the voice comes from a man, it is strangely soft and pleasant. Ren grabs his head painfully, his nails dig through the messy raven locks into the layer of skin underneath; he is trying to recall the man, but there is nothing but thick, white fog in his aching head.

“If you are mocking me, you can probably stop now. But if that is a compliment, sorry, I can’t take it either. I deeply regret what I had done that night… I was such an idiot, saving that woman from the drunkard only for her to call me a violent thug right after. And then my whole life was ruined for nothing.”

Ren gives the man a poignant smile. Not like he can see it through the wall anyway.

 _“Ah, forgive me, that is not what I’m taking about. It is truly nothing good to talk about, you know, for this world is a truly wretched place that I wish I haven’t been born along with it. Though, what you have done today, confronting lady Ann in her anger and taking a knife for her, is truly a marvelous deed. You’re truly a hero that rises above the mediocrity.”_ The man exclaims with a heartwarming voice.

“T-That was just my bad luck…” Ren’s ears turn red from the compliment. “I thought I would’ve died for sure, but then… Ann would be deemed a killer, a criminal, just like me. She deserves better than that.”

The image of Ann holding Shiho while crying for help still haunts his mind. He was no different from those people, standing there with a cold face, turning a blind eye to others’ suffering. He had stay silent in cowardice; he let Kamoshida have his way with Shiho, even though he could have stopped it. He let Kamoshida get away with his crimes and continue to reign on his rotten throne, even though he had seen its corruption with his own two eyes. He turned away from Ryuji’s call for help, even though he should be the one that know the most.

It is just natural, that he must atone for his mistakes. It is upon him to make use of the Metaverse Navigator, to take away source of Kamoshida’s distorted desire, to make him pay for his crime, to release Ann from his grip, and to let no one suffer the same fate as Shiho and Ryuji.

 _“Don’t think so little of yourself, my little friend. It is not your fault. It never was, never is, and never will be.”_ As if hearing his thought, the man again reassures him with his soft, melodic voice.

“So… we’ve been talking about me all this time, but who exactly are you? Why were you locked up here? Why are you here _with me_ , in this solitary confinement cell?”

The man gives him a mirthful laugh, as if to him this prison is just a game, a playground, no more, no less.

_“Hmmm… Perhaps I came here to meet you?”_

“Don’t beat around the bushes.”

_“Fufu… Don’t hastily give out your judgement like that. Even the most ridiculous joke contains a certain degree of truth, you know. But it can be said that our situation is the same, and I’m here because of a righteous act, because I was staying true to my justice, but unfortunately, it was unacceptable in the eyes of society.”_

“But you seem not to regret it one bit. Even though you will be confined here for the rest of your life. Just like me.”

_“Ha ha, I told you not to judge yet. My time here will be only fleetingly temporary.”_

“Temporary? Are you moving to somewhere else?”

_“Yeah.”_

“To where?”

_“Home.”_

“Ha ha, please, humor me. This place is totally closed up, we can’t even see each other’s face and you’ve already thought about breaking out?”

_“Well… Of course, I can’t break out by myself. But they will come to me. Our “friends”, they will come to us. Remember it well, my Trickster…”_

 

***

 

Ryuji hangs his head down in distress. Even though he is sitting right there in class, his mind keeps straying away from the lecture at times, much to his and the teacher’s dismay (though to be fair, did he ever pay attention in class before?). But since the fight that happened four days ago, Ryuji has been unable to think about anything other than that. The adamant, yet sorrowful shade of pale gray, that stared directly into the rage in his heart, refusing to leave his mind. The eyes of Ren Amamiya.

At that moment when he was blinded by rage, Ryuji did not pay any mind to it. It confused him, made him lose focus. His gaze was filled with neither anger, nor disgust. Not even fear. Ren Amamiya, that delinquent that everyone is fearful of, was looking at him in compassion.

But he was so occupied with rage then. He only thought that Ren looked at him with the pity of one who had never tasted pain and defeat. He only thought of breaking that gaze apart, shattering Ren’s prideful self, made him scream in disgrace and humiliation, made him crawl on his feet, made him beg for mercy like a lowly criminal… He said like he knew about what had happened to Ryuji; that Ryuji wanting to take Kamoshida down was just his personal desire, to satisfy his hero complex, his naïve justice. So then Shiho being driven to taking her own life was just an immature act of stupidity? He did not feel any rage or discontent when such injustices were becoming the norm, becoming _natural_ , becoming things that people just accept as obvious and normal like putting pickles in their breakfast? As long as his well-being does not come into harm, it is not worthy of his concern?

Though, deep inside his conscience, Ryuji knows he should not be the one to talk. Because at that very moment, he has become the very monster that he hated with the utmost of his soul. A delinquent, a violent thug, whatever deplorable names that they have always called him. Or, according to Ren, an idiot.

It is something that have been etched into his very nature; the reason that Ryuji becomes a track field runner and not anything else. It is that once he has started, he will never stop, never look behind; it is as if the concept of stopping has erased itself inside his mind. Until there is nothing left that can be taken from him, until he lies down on his last breath.

Ryuji can lose everything, but it is something that stays with him till the day he died. The day that he brings desolation and ruin upon himself and everything in his touches.

But just as Ryuji thought he was going to a life-or-death battle with Kamoshida, Ren had grabbed him from behind, stopped him in his track. His wrist was slender, yet his grip was firm. His eyes filled with indescribable sorrow, yet held inside a strange determination. And he never stopped holding onto him, not even when he let anger take ahold of reason. Not even when his barbaric instinct drove him to crush the boy’s delicate neck, urged him to tear apart the soft raven locks of hair that embraces his fair skin, or pushed him to ravage the slender frame beneath the thick black coat.

And not even now, when he is clutching his head in guilt and confusion and something else that cannot quite be named.

 

 

“Ouch!”

Ryuji almost screams out loud when something dives through the air and sticks onto his neck. He turns behind toward the window. Ann, hiding behind a bush, is gesturing for him to get out of class. He glances at his phone inside the desk’s drawer. Normally he would have replied to Ann right away because who cared about freaking lectures, but just then he was too occupied in thought about… well… anyway…

Realizing the whole class is staring at his blushing red face, he glares at them before quickly asking for a bathroom break.

“What’s so important for ya to call me out in the middle of class?”

“Can you help me find Ren, you know Ren Amamiya, right?” Ann askes him in an anxious voice. “It’s been thirty minutes after lunch break and he hasn’t come back to class.”

“So… you call me just because ya worried for that prick?” Ryuji pouts in disappointment. “No worries, who can possibly pick on him? Just the other day he was givin’ me this effin’ bruise on my ribs. Still hurt as hell.”

“Are you two fighting?”

“Well when Shiho… ya know, I caught Mishima running on his tail and turns out everything was caused by that friggin’ Kamoshida bastard.” Ryuji clenches his fist. “I was gonna go ‘ere and punch his guts out, then dude comin’ in and preachin’ his two-faced bullshits like “you have no concrete evidence” or “you’ll just hurt yourself”. Just a friggin’ plain ol’ coward.”

“Ren… I think you’ve misunderstood his intention.” Ann furrows her brows, although to be honest, at first, she too thought him as a violent thug. But he only puts a cold front and acts like a thug to keep people away from him, to keep himself from trouble.

“Then whaddya think? Like him?” Ryuji asks in annoyance, before turning away. “Then go find him yourself.”

“Listen, Ryuji!!!” Ann grabbed his collar from behind and pull him back with an inhumanly strong grip, catching Ryuji in surprise (what kind of girls is THAT strong anyway?) “I ask you because I’m scared that Kamoshida may get him. Yesterday I saw him come to the classroom asking for Ren, but he was absent… I think he was finding a new target after Shiho…”

Ryuji rolls his eyes. “Even if it’s Kamoshida he’ll be fine. He’s a boy, a friggin’ strong one. See? He swung me like a beast just the other day!”

“But… but…” Ann hesitates. She does not want to tell it to anyone, but if it is for Ren’s safety… “There’s something else… It was Tuesday…”

 

***

30 minutes ago…

***

 

Even though the wound he took from Ann has not completely been healed yet, he cannot take any more day off from school. Because Ann would have gotten in trouble if words about the stabbing gets outside, Ren can only pretend to have a cold to get a few days off. Furthermore, too many absences while on probation is not a good move. So here he is, going back to school four days after being stabbed in the guts.

“Are you sure you’re ok, Amamiya-kun? The wound—”

Ren places a finger on his lips, eyes cautiously follow a pair of students nearby. They exchange glances with each other, whispering something about Kamoshida’s bitch cheating on him and hanging out with the infamous transferred delinquent, before moving out of sight.

“I’m fine…”

“Don’t mind their words. Just baseless rumors as always.” Ann shrugs, putting one hand on her hips. Normally, the blonde girl is already a spectacular sight, but from this angle she seems even more gorgeous. Like flowers growing on mountain cliffs, delicate yet unyielding against the deadly cold wind.

It is truly a shame to see those beautiful blue eyes drenched in tear of sadness, those white hands tainted by blood of her dearest friend.

“Oh, I almost forgot. I’ve washed and fixed your clothes from the other day… I owe you for this after all. Just wait here, okay?”

Ren nods, looking over Ann until she fades out of sight, before letting his body lie flat on the wooden bench in exhaustion, hand sweeping the sweats on his forehead. Not entirely sure if because of the painkiller’s effect, or the fact that he has worked out all day even though the wound still has not been completely healed yet, but his mind feels numb and feverish. Well, just three more periods, and he will make it through. The most important things are to keep his mind clear, and stay out of others’ way.

“Excuse me, Amamiya-kun, right? Ms. Kawakami wants to meet you at the teacher’s office.”

Ren sits up and looks at the other student questionably, before following the guy to the office. Ms. Kawakami probably wants to meet him because of his request for absence the other day, maybe…

However, when they arrive at the teacher’s office, no one is there. Recalled that the one who led him here was a volleyball team member, Ren snaps himself out of thought, turns away from the trap.

But it was already too late. Before he could even start to run, he was grabbed from behind, giant hand choked him with wet towel. His body struggled viciously from the grip, but quickly gave in to the anesthesia, and everything soon went limp and black…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit (5/25/18 20:18): So regarding the assault scene, I have consulted again with my translator and decided to alter it. I feel like it doesn't serve the purpose that we have intended in writing this fic, but instead serve as a hate bait that distracts people from the rest of the story. And no, don't misunderstand me, I don't intend to back out in portraying Ryuji's inner demon as realistic and truthful to myself as I can, and I will do so but ultimately, I want people to appreciate the story as a whole, and I'm just really upset when all that you were talking about is that two sentences, and acting like it is something that defines Ryuji, and that I want to write him off as a bad character. I'm just really upset when my character's entire motivation, flaws, and way of life are being judged by a single moment of mistake, that he was immediately branded as "horrendous" without even given a chance to tell his story. He is so much more than that, and this story is much more than "Ryuji almost sexually assaulted Ren". So for Ryuji's and this story's sake, it'd be better if the scene is altered.
> 
> Have a good day!


	5. Strife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren tries to lift his heavy eyelids, against the numbing drowsiness and the sharp pain in the back of his head. A heavy weight presses his body tightly down the cold wooden surface...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! EXPLICIT! RAPE! AHEAD!  
> WARNING! EXPLICIT! RAPE! AHEAD!  
> WARNING! EXPLICIT! RAPE! AHEAD!
> 
> You have been warned. By agree to the archive warning and reading this chapter notes, you're fully responsible for choosing to read this fic and this chapter. Don't blame me for not warning you.

Ren tries to lift his heavy eyelids, against the numbing drowsiness and the sharp pain in the back of his head. A heavy weight presses his body tightly down the cold wooden surface, so even breathing becomes a labor. But worst of it all is the slickly wet thing that rubs itself against his bare chest. When he realizes what exactly it is, the drowsiness immediately subsists, replaces by fear and disgust. Every nerves on his body frantically tense up, in a desperate attempt to break out. But despite the panic, there is not even a bit of strength left in his muscles, and his hands are tied up behind his back. On top of him, the monstrous pervert in the guise of a teacher is licking and nibbling on the two small, reddened nipples, now exposed from the white uniform turtleneck that has been rolled up to his neck.

“Oh ho, nice timing to wake up, my little sleeping beauty.” Kamoshida chuckles in sickening delight.

 

***

 

_“After seeing Shiho jumped, I-…I could no longer control myself. Everything I thought of back then was making that monster Kamoshida pay for it. Shiho… she… she… It was all because of him! It was like an endless nightmare without an exit. I messaged Kamoshida and told him to meet up in the volleyball hall afterschool, with a knife right there in my pocket. But Ren… Ren was there. He followed me. He tried to stop me…”_

Ryuji runs through the empty corridors of the old building. This place used to be Shujin Academy’s main classroom building long ago, but nowadays it is just a storage room at best, or a hideout for all sorts of shady deals at worst. He stops before every classrooms that he can find, eyes frantically search for the sight of frizzly black hair or black framed glasses.

Ren Amamiya… That guy is always like that, always by himself, never leaves his hands out for anyone else, or take anyone else’s hands. He is a loner—cold and always full of himself. He despised those like Ryuji—those who muscles act before their brain. To him, consequences goes before everything else, and nothing comes without a price.

“ _He rushed toward me trying to take the knife, and then… then… I stabbed him when we ‘re struggling against each other. When I came to my sense, it was there, deep into his guts. His face turned pale and blood was everywhere on his coat. He was on his knees before me, and I just stayed there dead in my place… I… I… couldn’t think of anything. But he told me it was alright… he told me… he knows someone who will keep quiet.”_

Ryuji thinks about his face, thinks about the deep grey eyes that stared back at him back then. He thinks about the boy’s sorrowful yet reassuring gaze, sharp resolve mixed with concerning gentleness. He searches and searches, in every corner of the room, under neat, orderly rows of desk, behind the messy piles of chair, but he is nowhere to be found. Those eyes are nowhere to be found.

“Goddamnit…!” Ryuji lets out a curse before running back to the empty hall.

 

***

 

Kamoshida leans up to his face, trying to kiss his mouth, but Ren turns away in disgust; so he kisses on his neck and collarbone instead. Ren feels goosebumps on his skin at every touch, his body revulsed in fear and abhorrence. Perhaps it was the anesthesia’s still lingering effect, but he cannot even call for help even though he tried; no sound makes it out of his numb, clogged throat. In a last attempt of fighting back, he glares at Kamoshida with every ounce of hatred that he can gather.

“Those revolting eyes, so hateful. Such a bad boy.” Kamoshida grabbed his chin so tight, Ren feels like his jaws are cracking, lift it up high so he is forced to stare at the pervert’s eagerly licking his lips. “But I like it. It makes me want to crush this defiant face, trample on this prideful face. Such sexiness…”

“Shut. The. Hell. Up!” Ren hisses every word through his teeth.

 

***

 

_“Maybe he did it just because he likes you, Ann. I told him about Kamoshida before, and he just friggin’ told me with a dead cold face that we can’t change a shitty thing.”_

_“Listen, Ryuji. I haven’t told you everything yet. When I came to his place I immediately know why he’s like that; he was on suspended sentence by court, couldn’t even live with his family and have to move to a dusty attic. His probation officer said one more mistake and he’d be sent to juvie. His life is already hard enough to care about anything else.”_

Ren has always sit alone, apart from everyone else, whether in class or during lunch break, never tried to talk, never tried to speak up for himself against the constant gossip and fearful looks he got from students and teachers alike. Ryuji has never questioned why. If he is able to choose between making friends and being alone, Ryuji would never have chosen being alone.

He should have always been the one who understand it best. The pain of being alone. The pain of having the whole world turning against himself.

 

***

 

**“Thud!”**

Kamoshida punched his face so hard blood comes out of his nose. Ren chokes in pain, streak of red blood dripping off his chin, but he glares back at the hideous pervert.

“You think it’s my fault? It’s not like I’m suddenly interested in a boy, you know. I have all the girls in the volleyball team, plus Ann, all for me to play. But it’s you. It’s you who seduce me.”

Kamoshida yanks out his pants, which have already been pulled down loosely to his thighs along with his underwear despite his struggles. “Those curving long lashes, those beautiful lips… those delicate collarbone… and those youthful arches of adolescents…”

Kamoshida touches and gropes all over his naked body as he talks. Even though he has practiced for this many times for this before, once he is tied up like this, his plans are all meaningless. Now he can only lie there, helplessly watch those dirty hands sliding all over his exposed body like a fish on cutting boards. Even though he hates it to the very core of his soul, he cannot help but hopelessly reacting back to the stimulation, the cursed member between his legs slowly rises up amidst shameful pleasure. Ren blushes red when Kamoshida suddenly grabbed it, stroking up and down in a nauseating rhythm.

“Am I right? Just look at this shameless body.” Kamoshida bites down on his neck, laughing in stomach-turning delight just as Ren lets out a sharp moan. “Just a little slut who lives on men’s dick. Tell me, how many guys you have seduced with this lustful body?

 

***

 

_“I told him he shouldn’t do that, shouldn’t throw his life away for those who never even wanted to bat an eye at him. Ren said his life was already nothing anyway, but at least he could help those who had a tomorrow to look for. And his body was full of bruises and scars, Ryuji. I think he fought with Kamoshida.”_

_“How? You don’t have any concrete evidence. He’s always been getting away from it, from physical violence to sexual harassment. What do you wish to accomplish charging headfirst there by yourself? Don’t you remember who caused your leg to be like this?”_ Ren said that to Ryuji, yet he went there and confronted Kamoshida by himself? Ryuji suddenly realized it has never been cowardice or selfishness that made him turn a cold shoulder to his plea for help. Ren just wants to keep him far away from trouble, away from the dangerous distortion that lies in Kamoshida’s heart. He keeps him away so takes all the responsibility, all the pain, all the blame upon himself. And of fucking course, Ryuji has to be the fucking dumbest of all the fucking idiots in the world to not seeing through that simple ploy.

Ryuji feels like his chest bursting into pieces thinking about Ren alone in darkness, no one there to help, no one there to care. Alone, taking all the burdens on himself, refusing to share it with anyone else, in fear that they would suffer his same fate.

 

***

 

“Stop touching me, bastard…!” Ren shouted loudly.

“Scream all you want, cry all you want, no one but me will hear you, baby. Oh, I’ve also prepared you well while you were sleeping like a good boy.” Kamoshida gloats, before puts one finger into his entrance. The teenager’s body revulsed to the sudden violation, but Kamoshida has already stretched and put lubrication inside so it slides it with not much difficulty.

“I will ‘teach’ this little hole of you until all that you know is spreading it out and begging for me to play with it… then we will take some pictures to commemorate together when you come, and then you will be my little doll for me and me only, to play with you until I’m bored…”

Every words he says sicken Ren to his very core. All that Ren wishes for at the moment is punching him as hard as he can. He wants to get out of here, out of this cursed school, out of this cursed, endless nightmare that he has been trapped in for god know how long. But of course, all that he can do is writhe, at the pervert sliding a second finger into his entrance, at his finger stroking and pressing at his prostate, at the fondling and pinching to his nipples until he feels nothing but pain. At that moment when Ren thought it is all over for him, he sees the jumping silhouette of a black cat.

 

And then Kamoshida screams in pain as a familiar voice snaps him back to reality.

“Run, Ren! Run!!!”

It is Morgana, now trying to buy as much time as possible before Kamoshida taking him off his arm. Adrenaline rushes back to his vein, Ren strikes Kamoshida right at his knee by one foot, so hard it stretches the tendons in the back. Then turning sharply to the side, he follows with a backward strike to his jaws by the heel, knocks him away to the cupboard nearby. Kamoshida lies writhing in pain on the ground as they quickly undo the ropes on his hands.

 

**“Slam!”**

The office door bursts out violently from the inside. Out comes a half-naked boy and a black cat.

 

“This way!!!”

Morgana leads Ren to an empty classroom. He slams the door shut as soon as he enters, moving some chairs and tables to shut it tight. Outside of the hallway window, the volleyball team members are already out for him, their screams and footsteps echoes through the deep, secluded corridor.

Ren curls up in a desk under the window, face buried in his arms, naked body shaken in fear. It takes a while for him to notice blood seeped through the swollen wound under the white turtleneck, just as his consciousness slowly fades away…

 

***

 

“Ryuji! You’re here for him, right?”

Morgana jumps out of nowhere before Ryuji, earning a shocked gasp from Ann before she covers her mouth.

“Morgana!”

“Over here!”

With no hesitation, Morgana makes a sharp turn to where Ren is hiding. Ann is still in shock from seeing the cat appears out of nowhere, and not to mention Ryuji casually talks with it like a human. But that can be saved for later, as Ren’s whereabout is the foremost.

“You said he was a dangerous criminal right? I don’t think so, Ryuji. Just now that Kamoshida guy drugged him and dragged him to his office and…” Morgana stops in a moment, not sure how to describe it to Ryuji. “…he tied him up and removed his clothes and touched him all over…”

“What?!!” Ryuji almost shouts. “Kamoshida… He… he… molested Ren?!”

“Shiho… Oh my god… He did that to Shiho, and now she is not here. Don’t tell me…?!”

Ann covers her mouth; her voice fades away in shock. She cannot believe it was even worse than her imagination. Thrown into a dusty attic, lived in fear of being thrown in prison, looked down by people like an animal, gossiped left and right, and now sexually abused by that bastard Kamoshida—how can a person’s life get any more worse than his?!

Ryuji scratches his hair, he cannot understand why Kamoshida would target him; he is just a boy, one with criminal record at that… maybe because of that? Because no one would ask him what has happened, nor he can ever call anyone for help.

“Let me go inside and call him out. You take care of those guys.” Morgana moves his head toward the crowd in the hallway, still in search for Ren, before jumping to the ventilation airway.

“What are you looking at?! Get the fuck out of here!!!” Ryuji hisses at the volleyball members who dare to approach the room. Seeing the hellfire that rising up the blonde’s eyes, they quickly turn their tail and dash out of the hallway, leaving only the two of them left outside of the classroom.

“Goddamnit…” Ryuji punches the wall. He calls Ren a bastard for being ignorance of others’ pain, but is he not the same?

“…I-I hope nothing happened to him yet.” Ann trembles behind Ryuji. She is not sure if she can bear herself to see it with her own eyes—the deplorable thing that Kamoshida had done to Shiho, that he has just done to Ren mere moments ago.

 

**“Creak…”**

Ren pushes the tables aside to let Ryuji and Ann open the door. They look around for a while until they spot the frizzly-haired boy hiding behind a desk.

“…Ann, you told me you came back for my clothes, right? Can you get them for me?” Ren shyly asks.

“Of course… but Ren, are… are you okay? Kamoshida, he—”

“I-It’s all right. I have prepared myself in advance so—”

“In advance?!” Ann drops her hands in shock. “H-He targeted you even before this?!!”

Ren does not answer, just turns away in embarrassment. Not wanting to make it any more difficult for the poor boy, Ann runs away immediately back to her classroom for his clothes, leaving Ryuji alone with the raven-haired boy. Ren curls up down behind the desk out of the blonde’s sight.

 

“Amamiya… Ren.”

“Huh…?”

“I’m sorry—”

“…For?”

“Everything.” Ryuji speaks in utmost sincerity. “For lashing out and insulting you without knowing how much you’ve been through. If only… If only I’ve noticed… Maybe everything hadn’t turned out like this.”

 

Ren does not answer. Ryuji’s face become flustered; he cannot think of anything else to say. And they both stay still in silence, until Morgana breaks him out of it with an alarmed voice.

“Ryuji, he’s unconscious!” The black cat rubs his head against Ren’s body.

“What?” Ryuji runs toward the boy, catches him in his arms just as his body begins sliding off the side of the desk. Soft raven hairs brushes against his neck as Ren’s head laying down on his shoulder, cold sweat rolling down the side, face as pale as porcelain. Without the black coat worn neatly over his body, Ren seems even thinner and smaller than Ryuji imagines. And Ryuji can only curse himself, for not seeing though it sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, if you made it to this point and still decide to look forward to the next chapter, thank you very much for being patient with all of my bullshit. This chapter is certainly not enjoyable for anyone, in fact it's like the entire reason this fic got rape/non-con warning, so I'm sorry for that. I'll do my best on the next chapter, so if you are still here, please look forward to it.


	6. Vow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ren acquires a new vow and set out to storm his own Palace... Sort of.

“This is our oldest son, Yamito. The small one’s Ren.”

“Wow, what a bright and handsome lad you are, Yamito! Do you play any sport?”

“Oh, you know, he’s the one and only star of the school’s track team! He even won the regional championship last year! Not only that, our boy is excellent in schoolwork as well. He’s always first place in class and even got offers for studying aboard!”

“So lucky of you to have such a talented boy! How about Ren? Seems like a quiet one, eh?”

“Ha ha, Ren-kun is still green. He has much to learn from his brother.”

 

From when he was still little, Ren knew his place in the family. Being an excellent student and even had talent in track running, Yamito was their parents’ golden egg. On the other hand, Ren was just a quiet boy without any special talent, always had to look up to Yamito, to learn from Yamito, to _become_ Yamito. In his parents’ eyes, Yamito was all that they ever needed, all that they ever wanted. There was simply no place for a talentless pushover like him, not in their house, not in the world.

From the start, Ren has to earn everything on his own. By casting himself aside, become his well-loved brother. For his parents’ sake, and for his own. For a place in this family, a place in this world.

 

“Ren come on, your clothes are drenched in mud again. Why don’t you just behave and be a good boy like your brother?

“But Yamito pushed me…!”

“It’s ‘cause you didn’t listen to him, right? Come on, Ren. Yamito is your elder brother, you have to listen to him.”

“But…”

“No need to say anything. You just need to be a good boy and listen to Yamito next time, all right?”

“…”

 

Knowing that their parents would always take his side, Yamito constantly bullied and treated Ren like his slave. Ren has never had a voice in the family. From what to eat, what to wear, to what class to take in school and what club to join, everything had to be through his parents and Yamito. If he ever spoke up, it was deemed unruly disobedience to talk back to adults. Even though Ren just wished to be left alone in his room and read quietly, he was forced to practice running with Yamito, being ridiculed for a race that he could never win. Even though he preferred literature study, he was forced to take sports. Even clothes and textbooks were all borrowed from Yamito. Ren had never had anything for himself, actually he had never asked their parents anyway. He knew they would just say it were a waste.

Even when he was beaten by the kids in class or served as Yamito’s personal punching bag, he could only just hide and cry alone. He could not fight back anyway, so why even bother?

 

Though, there was one occasion he could never let himself forget.

It was a stormy night, rain and thunder all over the sky. While running up to his room to close the window, he noticed a small creature on his desk. A stray little sparrow, looked at him with its two watery eyes like small round beads, pleading. Its body was wet from the sudden rain, so it could not fly back to the nest. Ren carefully approached the desk so that he would not startled the small creature, using a towel nearby to drain the water from its feathers, while trying to give it some warmth. The sparrow twitched cautiously upon his touch, but soon found comfort in the soft towel; its eyes shifted to the human above in gratitude and curiosity. Ren nervously smiled back at the bird, but soon eased up upon seeing comfort in the small creature’s eyes. The strange warmth of happiness filled his chest as he quietly observed the small creature curled up in the towel, beady eyes gazed at him curiously like a small child.

But when he returned to his room for some leftover food, the small bird had disappeared. His window was tightly locked, so where could it go? He frantically searched his own room, but his heart dropped a beat when he heard laughters from the other side of the wall.

Before the half-closed door of Yamito’s room, Ren could hear the desperate chirps, the woeful cries for help amidst the sound of rain and thunder. His hand reached for the handle, but it slipped away as his knees fell to the floor. _What are you waiting for?_ It asked, the light gleaming on the metal lock. _Don’t you want to break in?_ The wooden floor creaked, his nails leaving bloody streaks. _Help me. Help me._ The bird cried and cried, as its wings were torn apart.

But Ren could not answer. Even when light beamed through the door like taunting his eyes. Even when the pain in his broken nails won against the numbness of his mind. Even when cruel laughters slowly choked the last of the woeful cries out of the bird, like thunder stifled his own. Even when all of them came back and haunted his every dream, forced him to stare at his own face of cowardice. Even right now, as he relieves those moments once again, as his heart is stricken with pain, with terror, with rage.

 

 **Rage**.

 .

 

“Ren… REN…!”

He opened his eyes to the call. In the familiar dim light of Leblanc’s dusty attic, Ryuji’s face vaguely shifts in and out of his tired vision as he tries to adjust himself in the new, present reality. Ren tries to move, but his entire body is beaten and exhausted. Beside Ryuji, Ann sighs in relief when their eyes meet.

“Thank god. You were sweating and groaning a lot just now, is it a nightmare?” She reaches for a towel to brush the sweats off his forehead.

“Why…?” Ren murmurs under his breath, cannot recall how did he come home.

“We brought you to the doctor last time and let she patch you up, then she gave you a check-up to make sure there was no other injury before calling Sojiro to bring you back here.”

“Luckily they were right there to help, Ren, or else I don’t know how you would turn out.” Morgana jumps on the side of his bed.

“…”

“That damn Kamoshida bastard!!” Ryuji finally cannot hold himself back to let out a curse, before punching down to the bed so hard Ren hears a creak from beneath. “Doesn’t he feel any remorse from doin’ that to Shiho? He even told the volleyball guy to take you away for effin’ sake! I can’t let him gettin’ his way out of ‘t anymore. What else will he do to you?”

“Ryuji, no, you can’t…!”

Ann grabs the blonde when he tries to storm out of the room, but he refuses to stay down. Ren pushes his hand down to sit up.

“There is no need.”

“Ren?”

“I can handle him myself. I will manage somehow, I always do. No need for you two to go after him and complicate thing any further. Just go back home—”

“For real? With that effin’ stab wound in your gut? Are you out of your mi—”

“Then what would you do? Charging yourself headfirst there and beating the hell of him up? What will that accomplish? Getting yourself a record? Ha ha… Ha ha...” Pain and anger seeping through his teeth as he laughs.

“Ren…”

Ryuji is taken aback, but he still tries to console with him. “But Ren…! We can’t let him get away. He did it to Shiho and even… even… you! We can’t… I can’t leave you like this…!!”

“What? You care about me?? The dangerous delinquent? The criminal no one wants to even look at?! Don’t make me sick. To hell with your pity!” Ren glared at the blonde, eyes clouded in red, hot fury. Words bursting out of his mouth, as bitter as poison. “Didn’t you call me a bully who doesn’t know pain ever? Why you give me that look now?! Aren’t you happy I got my just dessert? Laugh at me all you want. Ridicule me all you want. Then just get out of here and leave me alone! Don’t you all have a life to live?”

Ren lets himself fall back to the bed, catching his breath amidst the aching pain of his strained wound. He turns away from the two, closes his eyes, not wanting to face the hatred and disappointment on their face. It hurts. It hurts to see them pained by his words, to see them taken aback by the exposed ugliness of his true self, mutilated and deformed by pain and despair. Morgana is right. He is just a pitiful, hopeless mess, cannot even save his own skin, let alone confronting Kamoshida.

But it is all right, he tells himself. It is all right, better than Ryuji and Ann running to Kamoshida and making a fuss. It is all right, if it somehow stops them from putting themselves in harm. It is all right, they should never associate themselves with him in the first place. They should never be friend with someone with a tainted past, whom gossips and rumors follow at every steps.

It is all right, because only him should have suffered this unfortunate fate. They both deserve better. A better fate, a better friend. Someone who actually has a life to live, to hope for.

“Ren…” Ann comes closer, but Ren does not look. He will not talk, no matter what.

 

**“SLAP!!!”**

 

Ren stares at the girl, stunned by the slap. Even though he should have expected this kind of reaction, he is taken aback by Ann’s intense blue gaze, now stares straight back at him, to his very conscience.

“What the… for real?! Ann… he’s still—“ Ryuji’s mouth opens wide in shock. Even though he knows Ann is fierce and backs down to no one, he has never once expected she would slap a wounded person on their deathbed.

“Shut up.” Her voice sends a chill down everyone’s spines. Even Ryuji steps back in silence.

“Look at me, Ren. Look at me! Does it look like I’m here just because of mere pity? Don’t look down on me like that. I failed to save Shiho… But I can’t… I won’t let you be like this! I will definitely protect you from Kamoshida!”

Ann suddenly pulls Ren back up, arms wrapping around his shoulders, soft blond hair brushing against hot cheek. The raven boy looks at Ryuji, hoping for an explanation, but he gets a smile and a shrug instead. The blonde gets closer to Ann and Ren; rage and hatred have left his face, leaving a warm, boyish expression. Ren almost startles when he starts patting his head, wide hand gently rubbing on his unruly black hair.

“Yeah… Kamoshida or whoever they’re, we will keep ya safe and sound. ‘Cuz ya deserve it.”

Ren is dumdfounded, unable to grasp why they would stick to him like this, no matter how cold he acts, how harsh he sounds. Never ever would someone… had someone told him that they would protect him, would stand by him no matter what. _Nothing is without a price._

But why then? Why this warmth and gentleness, just for him? Why are his eyes clouded in hot tears, as his body melts in their embrace?

“Has no one said this to you, Ren? You don’t have to deal with it all by yourself.” Ann wipes the tears off his face.

 _No._ Ren thinks. _This is not right. I can’t allow myself to be like this. I’m not supposed to be like this._ He is supposed to conceal his face, to stifle his emotion, to hide his self deep inside. _There is no place for a weakling in this world. No place for me in this world._ He is not allowed to speak, not allowed to see, not allowed to hear. Like an obedient corpse who knows its place. And yet why? Why does he feels himself cracked from the inside? Why does he sees so many colors seeping through his eyes, like sand slipping through between his fingers? Why does he hear its screams from deep inside the darkness, to break out, to bathe itself in the light? To see, to hear, to feel, to speak. To love and to be loved.

To live.

He has waited for it for so long, _too long._ For someone to find him, for life to call him in its wake.

 

“So, let’s be friend from now, eh?” Ryuji askes with a radiant smile.

Ren does not answer. But life has drawn itself on his lips, and they know it speaks thousands.

 

_I am thou, thou art I_

_Thou hast acquired a new vow._

_It shall become the wings of rebellion_

_That breaketh thy chains of captivity._

 

Quiet prayers ring in his head like the sound of bell toll. Ren opens his eyes to the prison inside his heart. But this time, the walls have crumbled into dust. He turns back to where they were once there, separated him from the man with soothing voice, who always accompanies him in his solitary confinement, yet never shows his face. And in a movement mirrored his own, the man turns back, his curly raven hair and familiar shoulders strike him with awe. He is an exact copy of Ren, only that his eyes are filled with bright yellow, lively and confident, yet full of wits and charms. He gives him a mischievous grin, revealing a razor-sharp fang on its edge.

 

“See? I told you, right? Our “friends” will come for us.”

“I… I know you…” Ren suddenly clutches his head.

“Yes…” The man murmurs under his breath, just enough for him to hear, his voice just as soothing as ever. “Then shall we go, Trickster?”

 

_To home._

 

A blue butterfly flies to his sight, its brilliant wings shine brightly upon darkness. And he is sent there again, before the familiar door with the woeful cries of the small bird inside. The cries that plagued his mind, haunted his every dream with fear and guilt. He used to stand there, at this very spot. Not even being able to do a single thing. On his face is the very essence of cowardice, melding itself into his skin.

“What… is this…!?”

It has always been there, right on his face, since he first set foot in the Metaverse… No, even long before that. He has never paid attention to it, but now he realizes what it is. This mask. It has always been there on his face, kept him from laughing, kept him from crying, even kept him from letting his rage out on the injustice he and others have suffered. Deep inside he knows it is not right, this mask is not right, but he must always wear it.

He must always wear it, in order to survive, in order to belong, in order to keep his place in this world.

Or they have always told him so.

 

_No._

 

He will not accept this lie. He will not allow himself to be blinded from the truth any longer. He must rip this thing off his face, the mask that he has worn so long, that it has melded itself into his skin, fooled him into believing that it is his true face.

 

“Ha ha… HA HA HA!”

 

Blood flooding out from where his skin was ripped off along with the mask, but Ren cannot contain his laughters. It is the overwhelming feeling of bliss and satisfaction; the feeling of returning to one’s true self; the rush of power coursing through his veins; the sound of chains cracking around his feet. A strong whirlwind flings the door wide open as blue fire starts taking over. The hooded outfit of the lowly burglar disintegrates into blue fire as it melts into a gentlemanly black coat with seams curving along his body.

It is made just for him, for the soul of rebellion in his heart, for one who laughs at the chains that bind this society, for one who dares to say no to the fortress of lies that it is built upon.

 

"I have heeded your resolve. Vow to me. I am thou, thou art I... Thou who art willing to perform all sacrilegious acts for thine own justice. Call upon my name, and release thy rage! Show the strength of thy will to ascertain all on thine own, though thou be chained to Hell itself!" The man’s voice sounds from the inside of his heart, this time with a more demonic tone.

 

“Come, ARSÈNE!”

 

Yamito covers his face in panic as blue fire spreading through the room. He drops the small bird, and Ren dashes forward like a phantom, catches it in his hands. He holds it tightly to his chest, feeling warmth and life brimming between his fingers, as his surroundings begin to disintegrate into pure light, leaving only the boundless blue sky above his head.

Ren slowly opens his hands for the small creature. It stares at him one final time, before flapping its wings and diving off to the endless sky above. He looks at those wings with restless eyes, until they become no more but a tiny black dot that blends itself into the blue.


	7. Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since he felt light in his beating heart for the first time, Ryuji has been running nonstop, as if he never knew fatigue. Even after the fall that destroyed his wings and the bright future ahead, even when the only path for him is hell itself...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see, everyone. I hope you still remember me. It was a rough time, but I finally got back some motivation to continue writing. This chapter will be dedicated to Ryuji and his backstory, before moving on with the plot. Special thanks to @vodka_aunt from discord for her feedback, which helps a lot in presenting some of the idea better in English.
> 
> Please enjoy and leave a comment! I'd love to read them!

From the time he was little, Ryuji was always perceived as a no good kid, unruly brat. By elementary school, he was bringing home nothing but complaints in his report cards. He was the teachers’ eyesore; “lacking in academic capability,” or whatever other bullshit they liked to hang on him. He skipped his homework, never got a satisfactory test score. No teacher ever wanted him in their homeroom classes, or even to have to look at him. To them, Ryuji was just a faulty piece, a rotten bit of berry that marred their perfect fruit tray. No one knew much about him, about where he lived, where he grew up, where he spent the rest of his days. No one knew he ate his father’s beatings and scorn for dinner, or tasted his mother’s tears on his pickles for breakfast. This world that he found himself in from the moment he was born stared back at him every morning when he woke up and etched itself like a permanent scar in his very soul. It had become an inseparable part of his character, whether he wanted it to or not.

But Ryuji knew he was different from his violent wretch of a dad, the man that he hated from the utmost depths of his soul. He still remembered feeling that knowledge in his beating heart, way back when he first beat some bullies in a race.

 

 

The memory wasn’t really something to be proud of. Back then, there was a small kid in his neighborhood that kept getting picked on by others for no good reason. To be honest, he was all for giving them a beating, but he knew their parents would come to his house and complain to his mom. She was already stressed because of the debt that his dad left when he walked out, so Ryuji knew he had to find some other way to teach them a lesson without troubling her any further.

“Hmph, like father like son. What else ya good at besides punchin’, Ryuji?” one of them said, stepping up to taunt Ryuji to his face.. The rest of them, though, hung back nervously, remembering the time he’d singlehandedly beaten them all to a pulp..

“I know there’s somethin’ else that I’m better than all of you combined,” Ryuji smirked. “Wanna race? If I win, then y’all have to listen to me.”

Adults might find it silly, but running is everything to boys at that age. From hide-and-seek, kiting, or playing tag, everything relied on their feet.

“What if  _ we _ win?” the kids sneered at Ryuji. If they didn’t have to fight him, they knew they’d win. Anyone could win against this no-good loser with no friends.

“Then I’ll be yer slave. Deal?”

“Cocky, huh?”

Sure, Ryuji might bebe a no-good troublemaker; his head might be filled with hot tofu instead of brains like they always said, but when he was on the track…

…no one could ever hope to catch up to him.

 

 

It was the first time they did not look down on him with the contemptuous look for a loser. Like on his back was a pair of wings, soaring up high to the clear blue sky, that those on the ground could only admire from afar.

Since then, no one would ever touch the small kid, or look down on Ryuji again.

 

 

The entire time in middle school, Ryuji ran like he never knew fatigue. Back then his school did not have a track team yet; there was neither coach nor field to practice, plus volleyball and baseball were more popular; Ryuji was the one who gathered the kids he used to play with into a team. At first, they did not really want anything to do with a loudmouth and vulgar troublemaker like him, but somehow, they were eventually drawn in, inspired by his restless enthusiasm. The first time he won first place at a local competition, the school recognized his team and hired them an experienced coach. They no longer called him a no-good troublemaker; his teachers, his friends, his teammates, everyone was rooting for his race. From the old grandma at the shoes shop, to the little kids near his home, they all turned and started to run alongside him, their thanks and laughters lit up his day, as bright as like sunlight scattered through morning dews. 

Aiko back then was the class officer of 9-E, the same as Ryuji. She was tasked with helping students with low test scores with tutoring sessions, so they frequently met after track practice for Ryuji’s schoolwork. She was not a particularly sexy or pretty girl, like Ann, or like the girls from the porn magazine that the boys always passed around; but there was something else, behind the clunky black-framed glass, on the small curly bits of brown hair at the sides near her ears that Ryuji found pleasant to look at. Even the way she complained about his homework or the way she held her bag close to her chest whenever she was worried were cute. Ryuji’s mouth was quicker than his brain; his confession was blunt and rushed, not romantic at all—she complained. But at last, Ryuji got someone to walk beside him under the falling cherry blossom as spring was about to end.

 

 

Ryuji thought that it could only get better, when he got into Shujin along with Aiko thank to his track scholarship.

But waited there for him was not the hope that they longed for. Shortly after he attended Shujin, the school decided to hire a certain famous volleyball coach. At first, Ryuji thought Kamoshida was a nice guy, because he seemed friendly and genuinely cared for everyone, until he saw he turned the members of his track team against each other. He gave special treatments to those with good results, turned them to his lap dogs, while physically abused the weaker ones and silence any oppositions. Kamoshida soon took over the school, using his Olympic gold medal to bargain with the principal, and built for himself a reign of fear. As the star of the track team, Ryuji did his best to keep his team away from it; but soon enough, every other member, both those who were privileged and those who were abused, thought it was only natural.  _ The strong trampled over the weak _ . And the track team was the only thing that made their parent proud, so better submit than let Kamoshida disband them.

“Damnit!” Ryuji cursed. To him, these were nothing to be proud of. No glory came from making weaklings suffer. Years of living with his abusive father taught him that.

Kamoshida, however, did not like his answer to the kingdom that he has built. Failed to get Ryuji to his side, he soon spread slanders about his mom and dad to the entire school, where rumors went faster than wind. Ryuji could endure being ridiculed, but he would never give in if someone was to insult his mom. Not even Kamoshida. Especially Kamoshida.

“Bastard!” Ryuji raised his fist.

 

 

It was the worst pain that Ryuji ever felt in his entire life. The pain did not just come from the crushed bone in his bleeding right thigh, but from Kamoshida’s insult, from the fearful and cowardly look of those who once called him his teammate, from the tear rolling down his mom’s hollowed cheek. She had not changed a bit since six years ago, always cried, always said sorry.

_ “Sorry Ryuji… I’m a bad mother. It’s all my fault that you’re like this…” _

It was not what Ryuji wanted to hear.

Ever since that fall, the world became silent. No one wanted to bat an eye toward Ryuji, no one wanted to talk to him. Even those who was once drawn to him, those who he had thought would always stay by his side no matter what.

“Stop it, Ryuji! You still want to oppose Kamoshida even now?! Stop thinking you’re the center of the universe. Open your eyes Ryuji! Look at what you have ruined. Even the track team… Even they have to disband, all because of  _ you _ ! Did you think of them when you raised your fist at him? If only you’ve hold yourself back a little bit, everything wouldn’t go to hell!” Aiko finally could not take it anymore and snapped. Ryuji could not blame it, after all, she has been through all kind of shit for associating with him.

“Then what should I do? Letting that bastard trample over my friends and insult my parents and watchin’ like a coward? Is that the Ryuji that you’ve loved?”

“Better than a dumbass who doesn’t know his place.”

Ryuji opened his eyes in shock. Aiko, who he has thought would forever be his ally, finally chose to submit. But maybe she wasn’t wrong. Maybe they weren’t wrong. The only one who couldn’t change is Ryuji.

And so he let her go.

“Then let’s end it here.”

Aiko walked away, leaving Ryuji alone in the middle of the barren track field, alone with his wound still bled, his wings trampled and broken. He gazed at the tracks that no longer led toward horizon of radiant light. There was no path left for him, none but one that led to hell itself.

 

 

 

_ “Helping others, really? Or you just want get revenge at Kamoshida, or for them to fawn over you for that? Stop that nonsense. A delinquent is forever a delinquent.” _

 

Even though Ryuji punched the one that dared to say it, it was all just to relieve his rage. Even though he can help others, or take down Kamoshida, his legs were forever crippled. His name was forever disgraced, and he would forever be a no-good delinquent in everyone’s eyes.

 

And yet, he cannot bring himself to let go. There is something that lays deep in the foundation of his being, something that sets him apart from his father, from everyone else. Something that makes him a track runner rather than any other thing. That once he starts running, he will never stop, never look behind; as if the very concept of stopping has erased itself in his mind. Until nothing else can be taken from him, until he lies down on his last breath.

 

Even as light is snuffled out of the dying sun, broken wings continue to writhe.

  
And Ryuji  _ runs _ .


End file.
